A641.3.3.RB_DavisCarl Working with EI: Getting Results!

                                          A little monsoonal shower in Mumbai               CSD

This week on the Educated Leadership blog we’ll be looking at Dr. Daniel Goleman and Emotional Intelligence.

We were asked to look at a couple of videos, a TED Talk (2007) and a film from Big Think on YouTube (2012) in which Dr. Goleman participated. Dr. Goleman presented four parts of Emotional Intelligence (EI): Self-awareness, Self-management, Empathy, and Skilled Relationships.

The first three parts lead to being able to accomplish the fourth. So, let’s look at them and see how they play in my life. Self-awareness involves acknowledging and understanding our own feelings. Realizing that we are frustrated, nervous, anxious, confident, excited, leery, or any other of a myriad of feelings and being honest with ourselves about why we might feel that way. The foundation for being able to do this is having a moral compass of our own. Knowing right from wrong, being ethical, knowing what we want to accomplish and the legacy we want to leave behind all help in self-awareness. The company where I am employed has a comprehensive ethics department and training program to help our employees deal with ethical questions they encounter. I have appreciated the educational tools from my company, as well as the influence of people in my life that helped me groom my perspectives. I took the time last week to write down the names of all the people I could think of in my life that had influenced my thinking and habits. These were people with whom I had some type of personal interaction, not writers or historical figures. My list went over 75 names. I was surprised and humbled by that. It is very easy to forget how many people help make us who we become. The list identified all the relatives, teachers, coaches, professors, co-workers, mentors, and friends I could thank for showing me right from wrong and giving me chances to learn. A large part of my life presented me with opportunities to really study the feelings of others. I had a good teacher for that, my mother. She was excellent at reading other’s emotions. She was very empathetic. She would help me identify how I was feeling and helped me look at the reasons I felt a particular way. This skill has helped me all through my life and I will forever be grateful to my mother for her guidance. Once I could stop and identify my feelings AND identify why I might be feeling that emotion, I was set up to be in control, instead of being along for the ride. That leads us to part two!

Self-management, according to Dr. Goleman, is “the way one handles their distressing emotions in an effective way so they do not cripple you” (Big Think, 2012). Additionally, the way in which we learn from the arousal and identification of these emotions is a part of self-management. As an unknown scholar was once quoted, “Experience is mandatory, learning is optional.” We have to take the time to reflect and self-critique or self-coach so we can benefit from the self-awareness of our emotions. I believe strongly in self-reflection and practice it often. “People are the greatest asset to any company and relationships are the currency of success.”™ If we wish to be successful leaders we have to take the time to understand how we experience emotion and then transmit those emotions to those around us. As we have talked about in other entries in this blog, self-reflection and self-critique are not the most comfortable things to do, but they are very beneficial. I know I still let my emotions show too much when I should be calmer and yet, I have times I should probably be more open with my emotions and I am reluctant to do so. I am a work in progress and will continue to practice the skill. Now we can head on to part three.

Empathy. The skill of which my mother had mastery. Empathy is “knowing what someone else is thinking emotionally” (Big Think, 2012). Empathy can be demonstrated through compassion. Dr. Goleman asks why we, as a race, are not more compassionate in his TED Talk (2007). He presents an argument that says we are too distracted by the pace and pressures of our lives to be as compassionate as we should be. I find it hard to disagree with him. I think he touches on a big part of the issue. I think our electronically connected society is also edging toward a very ego-centric lifestyle where having something to post on-line (like a blog, HA!) is turning our collective focus inward, harming our ability to be empathetic. An interesting point raised by Dr. Goleman was the fact that the internet and connectivity could lead to all of us being more empathetic to the way products are produced by bringing more data about the production process to the consumer. An interesting dichotomy, don’t you think? As a youngster, teen, and young adult I had self-awareness (at varying levels) and I’ve had ever improving self-management. My ability to truly empathize didn’t show up until I was in my early thirties. Parenthood drives much of the spotlight away from oneself and onto others. I am still working on my empathy. I catch myself asking questions about the way people are acting or the way they are interacting with me from the perspective of the way their actions will impact me…instead of flipping the question to how they may be feeling to compel their actions. As a woman I was trying to date once bluntly said to me, “It’s not always about you, Carl.” (Cue bucket of cold water to the face for Carl). I know I am FAR better than I was back then (you’re right, I did not get a date with that woman) but I know I can do better.

The last part of Emotional Intelligence is the skilled relationships we can build by tying self-awareness, self-management, and empathy together. Those interactions and relationships will be far more fulfilling and resonant than those built on other foundations. When people feel they are being heard and trust has been extended to them, they are far more likely to return the courtesies as well as finding more time and energy to contribute to causes they find compelling. Given my capability level in the first three parts of EI, I believe I do a good job of building skilled relationships. There are areas in my work life where I know I need to create better opportunities for better relationships. At the same time I know I received a recent promotion based in part on my ability to unite and motivate groups of people while building good working relationships across teams. The key point for me (and you) to remember is that it takes continuous practice and focus to maintain the bonds we build. Why? Because life is not static and neither are relationships. On the family and friend front, these skills are great ways to build deeper bonds and deeper understanding. I know my marriage and the relationship I have with my kids have greatly benefitted from my personal growth around emotional intelligence.

Thanks for stopping by. I hope this information is useful to you!

TED Talks (Producer). (2007). Daniel Goleman: Why aren't we more compassionate? TED: Ideas Worth Spreading. Retrieved from https://www.ted.com/talks/daniel_goleman_on_compassion

Big Think (Producer). (2012). Daniel Goleman Introduces Emotional Intelligence. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7m9eNoB3NU

A634.2.3.RB_DavisCarl Am I a Resonant Leader?

Hello, Readers, and welcome back to another week of the Educated Leadership Blog.

This week, we examined how leaders can be connected, or resonant, with their followers and how leaders can be disconnected, or dissonant, from their followers. An important point here is that both of those situations can occur to the same leader…at the same time…or sequentially.

When we talk about making connections with followers, it is necessary to appreciate that one’s emotional intelligence is integral to being a leader. Chapter four in our class text covered the dimensions of mindfulness, hope, and compassion as a way of recharging one’s capability for resonance (Boyatzis & McKee, 2005, p. 71-80). As we look to connect with our followers, it is important that we have the capability or bandwidth to provide hope to, be mindful of, and be compassionate to our followers. The emotional well-being of our followers is a keystone to leadership success. As their leader, they will naturally look to us for indications that what they are doing is meaningful, will help provide stability to their lives, and can provide them with the opportunity for personal growth. If we sense a disconnect, we have to work to rebuild the emotional connection. We have to take the first steps before our employees will.

An exercise we accomplished as part of our weekly assignments was to answer some questions that investigated if we were resonant leaders, currently (McKee, Boyatzis, & Johnston, 2008, p. 42). I’ll provide my over-arching answer at the end of the blog. Let’s look at the questions, first.

The first question asked if I was inspirational. And how I inspire people. I believe I have been inspirational to my employees and to my family members. I know that because of a couple of reasons. One, they tell me I am inspirational and that they look to me to lead them. The employees in my charge know they will be kept informed of how they are doing, what impact they are having on the team and its goals, and that I will look for ways to get them education and experience they can use to do their jobs better or to expand their horizons. Two, my spouse and children tell me they are proud of what I do and they appreciate how I interact with them. My step-son has made a point of communicating his appreciation for providing him guidance and a stable role model. Third, when I was recently promoted at work, my leadership style was cited as a reason for my being moved higher in the organization. The outgoing vice president sent me a note to say she admired how I lead my team while working for her and she expected to see me “do even greater things”.

The second question asked if I create an overall emotional tone that is characterized by hope and if so, how. My reply was that I believe I do create a hopeful environment for my team. I have worked to develop a vision of the future in which they want to contribute to forming. I also remind them regularly that no matter the challenge we face, we have the people and skills to get the job done. I remind them that we aren’t always going to win, but there are always lessons to be learned that will benefit us in the long run. I also remind them how proud I am to represent them and to tell others of their accomplishments. The response I have seen is that I have a team that looks for ways to win and for ways to build bonds with co-workers that work in support roles.

Question three wanted to know if I was really in touch with others. Did I really know what is in others’ hearts and minds? How do I show this? I would say I do a moderately good job with this aspect of leadership. For my team members that are based in my building, it is an easy task to stay in touch with them and be aware of what is going on in their lives. However, 80% of my team lives many miles away from my office. The closest is 150 miles away and the furthest is over 8000 miles away. This has made the ability to know what’s going on far more difficult. I travel to see them and we have regular telephone calls, but it is less than adequate. I do have other avenues through which I receive information about people.  The “grapevine” is a tried and true friend and allows me to keep tabs on things without imposing too much. I know that as a senior manager and now as an executive, people are less comfortable sharing small talk with me. Some don’t want to “bother me” and some just don’t want me to know. Whether they want me to know, or not, what is happening in my employee’s lives is important to them and I need to be aware. I show this by inquiring as to how a particular event in their lives went, how their families are, or by writing them a note that lets them know I am paying attention and care about what is happening in their lives.

Question four was whether I regularly experience and demonstrate compassion and how. I think I do an ok job at this but could do better. I do keep track of who seems to be tired or down. I know when someone is not performing at the level they normally do. When I see these situations, I take the person aside and inquire as to what is impacting their life. I realize that people don’t always need “something”. Sometimes they just need to be heard, and I give them the time and space to talk things out. I make sure that my employees know I am adamant about them taking care of themselves and their families. I demonstrate this by reminding them to take care of themselves, regularly pointing out safety practices, and working with them to ensure they can be at family events. They all know that if a family emergency arises, they have the green light to do what they need to do to take care of their family and the rest of the team will handle things at work. Because they know they’ll have back-up at work, they can concentrate on their family. I know they appreciate that, they’ve told me. I strive to empathize with the people with whom I work.

The toughest question was the last. It asked if I am authentic and in tune with myself, others, and the environment and wanted to know how people see this in me. I would say that I am in tune with the team I lead and the position in business and the environment in which we find ourselves. I know I have to know what our team is capable of doing, what the market wants and needs, the latest rules and regulations, where our leadership is looking to go next. I have a reputation in my building for being a person that is approachable and who will be truthful in what I say. Maybe more importantly, I will take responsibility for my actions and not blindly throw others “under the bus”. I also am known to give credit to those that have earned it. For that, I have garnered a reputation as a person for whom many would like to work. I cherish that. The area in which my team operates is highly stressful and dynamic. It is a requirement for me, as their leader, to show emotions appropriately. Fear and anger are to be channeled and never broadcast. Pride, hopefulness, and happiness are to be displayed whenever possible and appropriate.

Now with all that being said, I feel like I am a merely adequate leader. I am capable, but can always get better. I know the environment in which I operate is extremely dynamic and that I will face new challenges on a daily or weekly schedule. I need to continually work to be the kind of leader that my team needs and wants to follow. I must find ways to re-charge my emotions so that I can be the mindful, hopeful, compassionate leader that resonates with my team. Continuing my education has been one way for me to do that, luckily.

We covered a lot this week. Take some time and ask yourself the questions. You might be surprised what you learn.

See you next week!

Boyatzis, R., & McKee, A. (2005). Resonant Leadership. Boston, MA: Harvard Business School Press.

McKee, A., Boyatzis, R., & Johnston, F. (2008). Becoming a Resonant Leader (First ed.). Boston, MA: Harvard Business Press.