Welcome back to the Educated Leadership blog! This week our topic is self-talk and how the words we use can affect our self-esteem and how others see us.
We were asked to watch a TED Talk given by Sheryl Sandberg of Facebook (2010). Mrs. Sandberg noted that, when compared to society, the number of women in positions of political or corporate powers positions was extremely low. She presented the statistic that out of 190 countries, only nine are women. Additionally, of all the people in parliaments in the world, only 13 percent were women in 2010.
A very interesting point made by Mrs. Sandberg was about the statistics pointing out that women will habitually underestimate their performance while men do the opposite. Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D. wrote, “Unlike that sports commentary, which athletes never hear while they're competing, you can actually “hear” what your own self-talk is saying. When this is upbeat and self-validating, the results can boost your productivity. However, when the voice is critical and harsh, the effect can be emotionally crippling” (Whitbourne, 2013).
I catch myself using degrading self-talk from time to time. I have tried diligently to stop doing so, but it is difficult to keep from beating myself up. However, when I realize I have been saying less-than-constructive things to myself, I take time to identify the accomplishments I have made and the people who trust and count on me. It’s my attempt to put gauze on the emotional wounds I may have caused myself.
Culturally, assertive women are at a disadvantage in the workplace. Mrs. Sandberg discussed a study done that illustrated society’s slant toward assertive males and not females. A professor took a paper that described the career of an assertive woman, Heidi Roizen. He changed one word on the paper, the name of the subject. Heidi was changed to Howard and student groups were given separate versions of the paper and asked about their impressions of the people described. Most of the students wanted to work with and for Henry and thought Heidi was pushy and a “climber” (TED Talks, 2010). What an illustration of gender bias at work!
I have worked for two different female leaders. One was my direct supervisor for over five years. I observed her overcompensating more and more as she got closer to retirement. I knew she had faced years of having to justify her position in a very male-oriented profession. She had reached a very high level in the organization but felt she had to continue the habit. I attempted to coach her, but knew it was a difficult topic for her to broach. I witnessed male workers reacting negatively to her when she showed any emotion other than a smile or a frown. If a male manager yelled with the same gentlemen in the room, they chalked it up to the male being passionate about their job. Gender bias is real.
Knowing that it is happening, still, is part of working toward equality in the workplace. I use self-reflection to see if I am reacting differently to someone because of their gender or culture. The ‘Golden Rule’ is a well-known axiom. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” In Diversity and Inclusion, there is a version of that rule known as the ‘Platinum Rule’: “Do unto others as they would have you do unto them.” I want to treat people in a way that makes them feel respected and comfortable.
I will be showing this video to my family. Yes, it will be important for my wife and daughters to see it, but my sons need to see it, too. All of us need to work together to break down gender bias and increase opportunities for all.
Take care, and I’ll see you next week!
Talks, TED. (Producer). (2010). TEDWomen 2010 - Sheryl Sandberg: Why we have too few women leaders. Retrieved from http://www.ted.com/talks/sheryl_sandberg_why_we_have_too_few_women_leaders
Whitbourne, S. K., Ph.D. (2013). Make Your Self-Talk Work for You - Learn from the pros how to use constructive, not dysfunctional, self-talk. Fulfillment at Any Age. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201309/make-your-self-talk-work-you
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